When journaling feels hard

Hello friends, it feels like such a long time since I have been here and sharing some adventures.

Why?

Well to be honest it's because it has to focus and journal in the way that I had been sharing with you. I had created a rhythm and was enjoying exploring within a realm I enjoyed. Then all of a sudden I was needing to journal in a different way - for practical reasons and for a way to just clear my head.

It felt weird, almost weird to admit the sudden change but it was a necessary change for the time.

Looking back over recent years journaling has changed and evolved for me, it was actually quite an encouragement to see that and I hope in me sharing this step on my way will help encourage you to keep on playing.

If you look back over previous blog posts and even through my instagram you will see how I used my journal to plan, document and express how things were. I have ways of documenting so that I can go back and see for example how I'm more likely to cut my hair on a certain day of my cycle, how to recognise the early stages of deteriorating sleep patterns and try to get a hold of them before they spiral. These are really important and have been such helpful methods. I will return to them in the future and I have been playing around with them a lot. I hope actually to be able to share some downloadable trackers for you soon.

Trackers can be so helpful, journaling gratitude is also something very close to my heart. It brings you into the moment and celebrate the joy of where you are. There are times and things that are pretty rubbish but there are things to celebrate too and I have often tried to use them. 

Can I make a confession here,

....when times have been particularly hard I have found gratitude journaling much harder and often found it's something I couldn't do.

What I am learning is that these things are ok, it's not that I don't feel grateful but that events and circumstances can overtake what our minds can cope with. I had heard the phrase 'toxic positivity' a while a go and wondered what the danger was of falling into it was and how to be aware of it. I think I have grown to understand it a bit more of late, it's that insistence that you must simple must push through and find the good. That you must push aside the pain and fear of something and find a positive spin on it.

That is not helpful and I hope I have never encouraged it. 

Some times we face bumpy roads or worse and gratitude feels really hard. It is not impossible and is helpful in difficult times but it's ok to not find the gratitude and the joy of some things. You will come through and find a new way.

So how has journaling changed for me?

Well it has gone from not touching my journals - at all! 

A white board in the kitchen with quick notes. 

To morning pages - writing for half an hour without stopping. 

Guided Bible readings that are short and I can make notes in my Bible. 

I am now at a place where I am using a passion planner to help work through the day and document / organise my days. 

I am now searching for a thick travels journal (tall and thin) because I want to find something that feels really different. I plan to move forward and experiment again. I hope you will join me as I seek to find a rhythm for what works now and that I will be able to enjoy using my journal and find that daily joy.